It's a BOY!

On Saturday we finally got an answer to the big question I have had for the last 15 weeks. The official answer. Boy. I have to admit I was not to happy with that answer in the beginning. 

See from the beginning I tried to stay open minded about everything, however as time went on and with lots of help, I slowly convinced myself this is was a girl. No other option. It was a girl. So, I had everything ready. I had her room all ready to decorate with paint samples and fabric swatches that I carried with me everywhere. I had the perfect name picked out and even referred to it as I talked about the baby. I know now how premature all this was, but at the time my mind and my heart did not care. 

Then came Saturday. I was officially 15 week finally and it was time. I had found a place in Franklin that would do an ultrasound at 15 weeks to determine the sex and that is what I did. I could not wait any longer. I had to confirm what I thought I already knew. So we made a day of it. Did some shopping. Had a great lunch. Gabe was with us because we really wanted him to be a part of it all. 

Finally 2:30 came and here we go. The place was great. I was able to have Michael, Gabe, my mom and my dad there with me for the big moment. The lady was very nice and began the ultrasound which projected on a big wall for all to see easily. She put the gel on my belly and I started to get nervous. All of the sudden doubt began to creep in my mind. She moved around for a minute or so and then she made a comment that I have been playing over and over in my mind a million times. She said "he looks great." I looked at her with a crazy look and she said. "It's a boy." I could not believe it! I started to cry. Gabe was very excited! But I think everyone else was as stunned as me.  That was not the plan. It was a girl to me. That was all I wanted was a girl and now my idea of this perfect little girl with all the plans that I had made for her instantly went up in smoke. 

The lady finished the ultrasound and said the baby was very healthy and looked great. That was good to hear, but I had not yet really processed the news she had just given me. To be honest it really took me until the next day to really wrap my brain around it all. 

Now I am ok. I am warming up to him and most of all glad that he is doing great. I have already began making the big plans for him.

His name is going to be Jacob Alex. His room is going to be done in a safari theme. I have already started working on paint samples and fabric for his bedding. I really think it's going to be cute. 

Although this may not have been my plan, I am so thankful. I am finally pregnant with a healthy baby. This is what I have always dreamed about and I know he is going to be perfect. Also, I know there is always next time. Until then I am going to take in every second of my baby boy.

11 weeks and counting

I feel like I have been to hell and am slowly making my way back! As of Friday I am now 11 weeks pregnant. It has been the worst and best 11 weeks of my life! I have been through so many illnesses and issues even I could not have imagined. As of this past week however, I think things may be starting to make a change. I have not had to take any nausea medication in the past 3-4 days! That's big! Also, I started back to work this week at my dad's shop after taking the past 2 1/2 months off because I was so sick! With both of these big milestones happening this week I feel like things might start getting better, except for the nasty cold I have picked up this week. I hope that too will pass in the next few days.

Michael has been so great through everything. He has been cooking dinner and "attempting" to clean the house when needed. I am very grateful to have such a wonderful man to take care of me when I need him, but I have to admit that I can not wait to be able to have the energy to totally clean this house from top to bottom. It is awful! Well to my standards anyways.  I guess I will have to wait and see what this next week will bring me!

  

Long road to 9 weeks

The past two months really seem like a blur. I have been very sick since about May 15. First, I got over stimulated from all the medications. Then I felt better for about two day, and then I started getting swollen again that lasted about 3 more weeks. Next, after finding out I was in fact pregnant (with only one baby by the way) all the symptoms of early pregnancy kicked in and I have been in bed almost everyday ever since. I have been sick and had horrible fatigue. Like getting up to go to the bathroom was all the energy I had. It has been such a hard time, there were days that I actually thought I am not going to make it. Luckily I think I am starting to feel a little better. Who knows though tomorrow I could go right back to feeling awful. I hope not.

With all that negative stuff I wanted to share  some happy stuff. Yesterday I graduated from my fertility doctor to my regular OB. It was my last appointment and it was the best by far. My mom went with me and we got to see the baby on the ultrasound again and hear the heartbeat. It is truly amazing how fast this little thing is growing. The best part was as we took one last look and the baby started wiggling around and moving. It was the most amazing thing I have seen yet! I just wish Michael had been there to see it. 

Hopefully now that things may start getting more back to normal I will be able to blog on a more regular basis. If anyone reads this to begin with...  

Finally I am PREGNANT!

I am so happy to announce that after all the craziness of this journey it has come to a happy ending and we are finally expecting! We are over the moon excited. I think I am still in shock that I can actually say that I am pregnant! 

Although we are very excited it is kinda hard to celebrate too much because I have been in so much pain. Because I was taking so much medication trying to get pregnant, it is now coming back to bit me in the butt. I am very swollen. I have so much fluid built up in my belly that I look 5 or 6 months pregnant already. It is so painful! I have not been able to hardly move for the past several days and my doctor tells me that it could last another week. I am trying to be strong, but another week of this just seem awful. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to be pregnant but I really want this part to go away.

Now we have to sit and wait another week or so to find out how many babies we are having. Sooo excited!

Almost there

I have been feeling awful! I have had some swelling in my belly and have been very sore. I was told that for the most part this was normal. However, it sucks! Ever since my egg retrieval last Friday I have not been feeling so great. I was finally able to get out of the house for a while on Sunday. Michael and I had a lot of fun. Anything was better than being home anymore. Anyways, I was able to go back to work yesterday and today. It has been tough but I have been trying to be strong. 

We are very excited that tomorrow is our embryo transfer day! We have 13 beautiful embryos growing and tomorrow two of them will finally be put back were they belong. I just hope and pray everything works out of. After that I will be on bed rest for the rest of the week. Right now that sounds great, but I am sure by Thursday I will be feeling much differently. I guess we will just have to wait and see!

Retrieval Day

Today was one of the days we have been waiting for. Today I finally had my eggs retrieved! I was so scared (even with a Valium). Luckly when I got there I did not have to wait long to get called back. The nurses were so sweet and did a great job trying to calm my fears. (although it really did not work) they quickly gave me an  IV so that they could calm me down. I was wheeled back to the operation room and had to move to a different bed. I remember nothing after this until the nurse came and told me to wake up because it was all over. I had a little bit of stomach soreness but nothing unbearable. They were so great at doing anything needed to keep me comfortable. The best news is that they got 21 eggs! We were so excited!

The car ride home seemed like it would take forever! I finally made it to my bed and I was out! I slept the whole day away. But when I woke up, I was so hungry, I think I could have eaten a whole cow! I had soup from Demos (MMMMMM) and some ice cream instead. Don't you just love it when you are not feeling well and you can eat ice cream and not feel guilty about it. What a plus.

Tonight has been pretty uneventful. Just laying around and taking all the medication that they prescribed to me. I think that is really helping with the mild pain. I have to drink lots of Gatorade and eat lots of protein. This is supposed to help prevent a complication called OHSS. Basically it happens after retrieval when your ovaries are still very swollen and estrogen levels are also elevated(which mine are). It can cause fluid to build up in my belly and would have to be drained off with a needle. I am really hoping and praying I will be spared this awful side effect. I just keep praying for god to take care of me. He has blessed me more than I can put into words. 

Tomorrow I have to check my voicemail to see how many eggs were healthy and able to be fertilized. Then we go back next wednesday to have two of our embie babies put back in! I pray all goes well and my little embie babies get an good nights rest. 

Cycle day 40

I have made it to the big 4-0! I am so proud of myself! I had another check this morning and the ultrasound tech said that I still was not ready to go to retrieval. I was so upset. Cried all morning. I have been having a lot of pain the last couple of days in my belly. Just a lot of pressure, but every time I move it feels very uncomfortable. I really thought that I was there and that I had finally made it! Then when the tech told me it did not look like I was ready yet. I just lost it.  Anyways, I came home and rested most of the day in bed and when I checked my voicemail from my nurse I was shocked to find out that it really was time! She told me to take my trigger shot (MY LAST SHOT!!!!!!!!!) and I would be ready for my retrieval on friday. I could not believe it! So I started making the round of calls to let Michael and my Mom know what was going on. Just talking about it makes butterflies in my stomach. So here I am 36 hours away. Please pray for me that all goes well with no complications and we have lots of perfect little eggies!

Cycle day 36

Michael and I thought it would be a fun to count up how many shots I have taken to this point. The grand totally was 32! I can not believe that I have taken 32 shot in the past few weeks. I have to say I am pretty proud of myself because I never thought I would ever make it this far and now we are in the home stretch. 

I went back to the doctor on Friday and I did not get the best news. My blood level was 476 which was up from the 103 from the last visit. However, I still do not have any eggs big enough for retrieval. I was very sad and upset. I left very discouraged. I had to regroup my thoughts and put it all into perspective. I have only been taking the medication to make my eggs grow for only about 7 days. I don't need to rush this. I want beautiful healthy eggs and if that takes a little longer than so be it. I can do it!

I go back on Monday and I am praying for good news. I really need it right now. I am starting to feel a little pain and cramping in my sides, so that is actually a good sign that the eggs are hopefully growing. For now I am just trying to stay strong and stress as little as possible.

On another note, my birthday was great! Michael got me a new Blackberry phone! I love it! It's pink and so cute. I am still learning how it use it. It's my first blackberry!

If you are reading this please keep me in your prayers. I need all I can get right now!

Cycle day 33

I am really starting to feel like I am on this crazy roller coaster, and no matter how much I want to get off before the next major high or low, I can't. Not yet anyways. My last visit to the doctor was great! They had nothing but great news for me. Then I had to go back yesterday so they could check my blood levels and do an ultrasound to see how well my little eggs are growing. Well, they were not growing as well as they thought they would by now. So they had to up my dosage of medication. I was very upset! Now I have to take 5 units of Lupron in the morning along with 150 units of the Bravelle (FSH). Then at night I have to take another 150 units of the Bravelle. It sucks! I am trying hard to stay strong, but it is very hard! I go back on Friday and I am hoping that they will give me better news than they did yesterday.

I am happy to say that tomorrow I will officially be 29 years old! I love birthdays! I love that you have a day that you can call yours. Its just fun to me. Anyways, we just go back from Demos celebrating a little early. I got to open my gifts from my parents. They got me a Monogrammed bracelet and a really cute max studio dress. I love it! I am going to wear it tomorrow to school! It will be my birthday dress! Now about that wish.... mmm.... can anyone guess what I will be wishing for? 

Cycle day 31

I have started feeling a little crampy today. I hope that is a good sign. My shot went a little better last night, but I do want to stress little! Michael got a great idea to take some ice packs that we have to kinda numb the spot before the shot. I do think it helped. I just count down every time I have to take one. Hopefully only about 4 or 5 more to go! 

Michael has been so wonderful throughout the whole process. I could not ask for a better husband! I know I could not have made it this far without him. 

I go back to the doctor tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood work. I am very excited to see how far I have progressed in the past 3 days. Everything seems to be going so fast. I can hardly believe that I only have about 6 more days until my egg retrieval! 

Cycle day 30

I feel like the days are going by so fast I can't keep up! I can hardly believe that I am already on cycle day 30. I went to a doctor's appointment on Friday, and it went great. They were very positive on the outcome of this whole process and actually put me on a higher dose of folic acid because I am so highly at risk of twins! Crazy huh? I think I really needed that boost of confidence because I have been really down about it all lately. Thinking very negatively. Not the best attitude to have right now. 

After my appointment they gave me a voice mailbox so that I can check messages on what meds I need to take and when. I was able to check it Friday afternoon and sure enough the time has come that I have to start taking my FSH medication. This shot will make my body produce as many eggs as it can. This is the last stage before I have my eggs retrieved. I have to admit, I took the first one last night and it was BAD! Michael did the best he could but it hurt! I screamed and cried! I pray it gets easier. I really want to be strong, but I just don't do well with all these shots.

On a brighter note, My birthday is 5 days away! Michael and I are redecorating our master bedroom for my birthday. I thought it would be a good idea since I am going to be spending so much time there soon. I will post pictures when we get it all finished!

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayer! Only 9 more days to go!!!!!

cycle day 21

Things have been moving along good over the past few days. Shot are still a pain (literally)! I have been very tired and starting to get soar in my stomach from the injections. I have been saying if that is the worst side effect I have, than I am doing pretty good!

I am so glad that it is finally the weekend! We have an 8 am t-ball game (which totally sucks because I was really looking forward to sleeping in) and then we are taking Gabe to Percy Warner park to see the birds. I have been told it is pretty cool, so I hope we are not disappointed. The weather is going to be 80 tomorrow! We are so excited to get to play outside!

Only 18 days left till egg retrieval day!

Cycle day 18

Today has been a much better day than yesterday. I think because we were both so nervous yesterday that is what made the whole experience so bad. I got my meds all ready  this morning and was already getting nervous about what was about to happen. Michael tried to calm me, but that was not happening. However, during the fit I was throwing about not wanting to take the medication he did it and I did not even know it! I did not feel a thing! I really hope tomorrow goes as well as today minus my fit (hehe).

As for side effects, not really anything to report. I very mild headache today and I am feeling a little sick after dinner, but other than that I am very thankful so far that I have not had any of the horror story side effects like I have read about. I know, I know, stop reading the Internet!

I have about 20 more days to go until my egg retrieval!  

No pain No gain

Today was a big step in the whole IVF journey. I am on cycle day 17 and I began my shots this morning. I was not as good as I had planned it out in my head. I woke up. I began to get ready for work. I prepared my medication and I woke Michael up to give it to me. ( Just a small note, for those who don't know, I am beyond terrified of needles!) I was pumped and even a little excited, but when it actually came time to have the shot injected, I went down hill fast! I started my usual freak out, but not to bad. Then I laid on the couch and Michael began to count 1, 2. I quickly told him not to count and just get it over with. He did and it was not good at all! The medication actually stung going in. I cried all the way to work. Partly because it hurt and partly because I was so mad at myself for not being stronger. Michael was wonderful though. He was hugging me and telling me how great I did. He later confessed that it was the hardest thing he has ever had to do. He hates the fact that he has to hurt me. I told him to get ready because there are many more days to go! I can only hope as the days go by and I keep doing this over and over it has to get easier. 

Well thats my drama for today! Please pray for us and I will update tomorrow!

Not so Good Friday

Today started off like a great day! I got to sleep in because we were out of school today for good friday. My mom and I decided to go to Franklin this morning to look for the last minute touches for easter. We heard thunderstorm warnings while we were in the mall. We decided to leave and head home. We still were not worried. As we were going down 840 we starting getting calls about a tornado touching down in the boro not far from where we were. We still was  not that worried. Then we are listening to the radio and they start naming road names close to my home and the as we were listening it was heading towards my mom's house. Now we were staring to get worried! We were going 90 down 840! Trying to make calls and loosing phone service the closer we got.  Luckily my house was ok. Across the street from me was not so lucky. Then we begin heading to my mom's as we were hearing that her neighborhood was leveled! As we cross over the interstate close to her house we could not believe what we saw. A path that looked like a bomb had went off! We both began to cry. We were so scared! We did not know what to expect when we got to her house. Luckily her home was still standing. Only minor damage. 

I can't put into words what it looked like. I can't explain the faces of the families that lost everything. We took our tractor throughout the neighborhood to try to help anyone we could. Most were still in such shock that they did not know what they need yet. Were were able to move a few trees and give a few people rides to their homes. We did what we could. I still don't feel like it was enough. 

I have never felt so blessed in all my life! I can never say again that I have bad luck. God has taken care of us. I can not thank God enough today for his mercy on us.

 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you God!

FINALLY!!!!!

Ok everyone it is finally time! The countdown begins! Yesterday I finally started my monthly cycle and therefore the start of IVF 09! I have never been so excited for that ever in my entire life. Too funny I know, but hey I feel like now things are finally on a roll and it won't be much longer now until I hopefully have a little bun in the oven. I will start taking birth control pills tomorrow which I obviously have not taken since before Michael and I got married. I know it sounds silly to take birth control when the goal is to get pregnant, but it help to prevent my body from getting cysts as I get so over stimulated with medication. 

I am really starting to get excited and stay as positive as I can. I have been trying hard to not let negative thoughts or doubt to creep in. I think right now I am just worried of how I will react to the meds. I hope that I don't turn into a crazy person or anything. I guess if that's all I have to worry about right now than I am not doing so bad. I just ask that any and every person that reads this to please pray for us. This is a one time shot for us and we need all the prayer we can get to get through this whole crazy process. 

Now with everything else that has been going on.... Michael and I celebrated our 4th anniversary on thursday. It was the best so far I think. We did not really buy presents or anything, but he sent me a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries to work. It was the sweetest ever! He is not always the best in the gift department, but he totally hit the nail on the head with this one! I loved it and they were so good! So after that, I had to figure out some way to top it. So I surprised him with dinner at Fuji japanese Steakhouse. I was so good and we finished of the strawberries for desert. It really was the best yet!

I am so lucky to have him. Really, most couples could not have made it through all the things that we have been through in our years together. I truly feel like he is the only one for me. 

I love you Honey!!!

 

Spring Break!

Sorry I have not updated in a while! Things have been very busy for me. This past week has been spring break and I have been making the most of it!

First, my mom and I took our annual spring break trip to Destin, Fl. We have so much fun together and it is the only time that she and I can just have time to do whatever we want and is totally uninterrupted. We get to do a lot of shopping, eating lots of good food, and of course soaking up the sun! I love that time I get with her so much and we always have a great time. 

This year was especially important because with the IVF process about to begin, I know I will not get another opportunity to relax like that for a long time. So, while I am on the subject, I am going to vent for a moment. The waiting is KILLING me!!! I have never wanted my period to start so bad in all my life! Everyday I keep hoping that today is the day, but nothing. Waiting sucks! Mother Nature BRING IT ON ALREADY!!!!!   

Now to the next thorn in my side, the day I came home from my vacation, Michael and his EX has gotten into a huge fight really of stupid stuff, but whatever. This rarely happens anymore, but when it does, they are usually knock down drag out arguments. She drives me crazy! I have always tried to be there for her, be her friend. Now I know all of that means nothing to her. I guess it never has. I am so hurt by her right now I can't even stand it! She actually said that my family, including myself, was not Gabe's "real family". Anyone who knows me, knows that is the craziest comment ever! I love that child with all my heart, as if he were my own. My family feels the same way. It breaks my heart beyond words that she would not be so thankful that Michael found someone that cares so much. I suppose its jealousy of her own loneliness or fear that if and when another baby comes my feelings for Gabe would change. But that could not be farther from the truth. In my eyes he will always be my first child. From now till forever. 

I am a good person, I try hard to take care of others before myself. I have always tried to be a good person to my husband's ex-wife because I want Gabe to have a happy family. All of his family included. I am not sure why some people act the way they do, but words really do hurt!

Well, now that I have gotten that out, I am going to go back to cleaning house and enjoying my last day of spring break! This whole bogging thing is very therapeutic.  

Happy Spring Everyone!

Ready for spring

This has been a bad few days. I have not been sleeping well and I don't think I have completely recovered from all of the the stuff that happened with my mom last week. To make matters worst, the weather has been horrible! It has been cold and rainy for days. I am not good with cold weather, but cold and rainy... I think I could kill myself! (not literally of corse) 

On a brighter note, next week at this time I will be packing my bags for sunny florida. I am very excited! I think this will be one of our more relaxed trips because I don't think my mom will be able to go,go,go like we normally do. I guess we will just have to wait and see. Regardless, Destin is my favorite place in the whole world and I just can't wait to get there. Hopefully it will cheer me up.

On the baby front, the waiting is harder than I thought and I have got to stay off the internet. I keep reading all the stories of others that have gone through this with happy endings and others with not so happy endings. I take each story to heart and in one minute I feel confident and then I read the next and I feel like there is no hope. One thing is always constant, this whole this is just one big roller coster of emotions.

Good news!

Today was a big day! I had to go see my doctor today to have a mid-cycle ultrasound done. My doctor told me that everything looked PERFECT! I was so excited! It has been a long time since I left that office with good news. So now it is just sit and wait. Not my favorite thing to do, but I feel so much more confident that everything is going to work out. It was just such a relief.

My mom is feeling much better too. She went with me to my appointment today. You would have thought she was going on a major vacation. She's not much of a home body and has not been out of the house for a week. It was funny. After my appointment we celebrated at the Gap Outlet! Always fun times!

It is only 1 1/2 weeks to SPRING BREAK 09! Mom and I are getting so excited for our annual trip. I am starting to pull out some of my spring clothes, but no matter how hard I try, I will be up late the day before we leave trying to pack! I can smell the beach already.....ahhhhhh

The UNEXPECTED

I am so tired, but I can't sleep, so I decided to quickly blog about the past couple days. 

First, on Thursday morning I got a phone call about 5am. (I just want to say that any phone call that early in the morning is never good.) It was my dad. He said he was taking my mom to the hospital because she was having chest pains. This had been going on for a few days off and on, but she thought that it was just heartburn from something she had eaten. My Mom never goes to the doctor, so I knew she had to be feeling really bad to wake my Dad to take her. Of course the next thing running through my mind was the seriousness of the situation. The heart is not a part of your body that you mess with! I have seen so many people have so many problems because of their hearts not working right. I did not want to see my Mom go through that.

They ran several tests and after almost 12 hours we finally found out the problem! My Mom had Gall Stones and had to have her Gall Bladder removed. We were very relieved that it was not her heart but my goodness, do you think they could have been any slower? It was a very stressful day for everyone!

That brings us to today, she was taken in to pre-op at about 9:30 this morning, to have it removed,  and everything was not finished and her back in her room until 2:00 this afternoon! All I can say is the sitting and waiting and wondering is almost more than I can stand. However in the end she came through with flying colors. The doctor did say that it was really bad and the stones were quite large, so no wonder she was feeling the way she did! By this evening she looked better and you could tell she was feeling better too.

When things like this happen and you get those "unexpected" calls it can really make you stop and think about things and how much you love and appreciate the people who are around you. I have decided to make it one of my new goals to let people I care about know that. I want them to know how much I appreciate them. Because even though this unexpected event worked out for the better, the next one may not be that way. 

I am just very blessed that my Mom is ok and hopefully will be back on her feet in time for our annual mother- daughter spring break trip! 

 I love you MoM!!!

A big day...

Ok, so today was a big step in the right direction. Michael and I had to go to our IVF class. This is the first step in the whole crazy process. The whole time I was sitting there listening to all the information I was thinking, I can not believe I am here. I can not believe this is finally about to happen! I have so may feeling going on right now, it is so crazy that it is funny.

I have to go back next week to have an ultrasound done. It is just a check-up, but other than that, it is just wait time. That part totally sucks! I am so tired sitting around waiting. Oh well at least spring is right around the corner and that always keeps me busy. I am so excited about the warmer weather coming our way this weekend!!!

Memories

This was such a fun weekend! I got to celebrate my 10 year class reunion.  I got to take a small walk down memory lane. It was so much fun. My Best Friend Kerri came into town for the special day and to celebrate her birthday. We really have not got to spend any time together in a LONG time. It was like we have not missed a page. I guess that's what true friends are like. So it was so much fun getting ready together and going to the reunion together. I don't think I could have imagined it any other way (except if Heather could have been with us.)  I had the best time! Another milestone in my life has come and gone. Life goes so fast and I still have so many things I want to accomplish. I guess I better get to work!

 Well long story short,Kerri and I both looked and felt awesome. It was great! 

It always happens to me!!!

This weekend has not been the easy going weekend I was hoping for. I went to pick up my dress yesterday from the alterations place and it was altered wrong! Ok this sucks, but this was the dress for my 10 year class reunion and now I got nothing. I have searched all weekend but that was my dress and I can't find another one or one that I love as much as that one. It just totally sucks! Needless to say things like this always happens to me. 

TGIF

It has been such a crazy week for me! Work has been really busy and I have had so much going on every night this week that I feel like I have had no time to sit down and just rest, other than to sleep. I am so glad the weekend is finally here! 

My plans for the weekend are pretty boring, but I am SO ok with that. I hope to get my house clean and a little more organized.

I know it sounds kinda funny but I almost feel like I am already nesting and I am not even pregnant yet. I really want to work on getting the extra bed room cleaned out that will hopefully be the baby's room. I know it may seem like I am getting ahead of the game... but I am. It worries me a little that I have my hopes up so high that this whole IVF thing is going to work, but I just can't help it. This is as close as I have gotten to having hope that I may be pregnant soon. I may be "putting the cart before the horse" but anyone who knows me knows how much I have waited my whole life for this and I am so excited I just can't stand it!!!

Today is the beginning...

Ok so I have decided to start my journey from here. Today it finally happened! Michael and I went to our first doctor's appointment to begin the process of IVF. We are excited and scared all in one. We are excited because after 3 1/2 years of trying to have a baby, the day has finally come that IVF is a possibility for us. Scared, because I am deathly afraid of needles and I do not do well with pain. Not to mention the most obvious, what if it does not work!

For a little bit of back story... Michael and I have been married for almost four years. As soon as the "I Dos" were said we new we wanted to start trying to have a family of our own. We all ready have a beautiful Son (my step-son) that is now 5 years old. We wanted our children would be close in age. We never dreamed in a million years that we would not be able to have a baby without help. Michael already had one that he had no problem conceiving and I was perfectly healthy. Needless to say we have been through may ups and downs throughout the years and I don't think I could ever count all the doctors appointments or negative pregnancy tests we have taken throughout the years.

Now fast forward 3 1/2 years, we are still without our own child together. Don't get me wrong, I love Gabe (my step-son) with all my heart as if he were my own. We have been in each other's lived since he was just shy of a year old. I have watched him take his first step and all the other major milestones from then on. I call him Gabybaby. He now hates that but I always tell him that he will always be my baby no matter how old he is. I truly believe that. In my eyes, he will always be my first child.

All that said, we come to today. We had our first appointment at Nashville fertility.  No big deal really, we just sat down with our doctor (Dr. Whitworth) and discussed how everything would go. We have to take a class in two weeks that will give us all of the fine details of everything. Again we are excited but scared of the whole process. We just pray everyday that God will guide us and give us the strength to get through it all and hopefully, finally bring a beautiful healthy baby into the world.

All this said, I have decided to write this blog to, if anything, have for myself to look back on this chapter of my journey of life.... stay tuned....